I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
