I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
