"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
