i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
