I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
