I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm just crazy horny about you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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