so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
