U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
