But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
