I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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