You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize