so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
