I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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