i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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