Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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