I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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