Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
