I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Holy shit dude........stairs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
