Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
