oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
