I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
