Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
NoShamevember. You game?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize