eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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