whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
