Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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