I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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