Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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