mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize