what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
