According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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