Dual....:-)
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
