is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
