Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
