YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
