Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
