I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
