Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
