I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
