Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
accomplished twins. life is a go
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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