As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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