What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
