Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize