You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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