God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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