I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
