So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
