"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
