The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
