I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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