My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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