Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
