I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
