He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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