this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
