WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize