He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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