Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
