omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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