worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize