I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize