It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
