and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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