He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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