I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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