if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
