I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
