Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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