last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
