Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
