it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
