This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
