I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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