I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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