But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
