I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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