call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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